[He didn't answer the question. Which is not unusual for him ever fluttering from one point to the next without really concluding anything. That's just how he is. And she never usually minds other than a sigh as she tries to get him back on track. It's only frustrating now because this conversation feels so heavy. He takes it as he always does. It makes her think she's the only one concerned. Or overreacting. And this is why she wished she had more time to think about this, to watch him... This conversation came much too soon.
Why is it she feels more lost now that she's found him? She pushes that thought down, deep down, because it's not about that or her. It's about him and if she's doing okay. And if he is then... they just need to push through it.]
I'm asking you if you're okay. Because... I let you down, Rakan. And it's okay and even important to acknowledge that. Things were simple when we were evil. Calling everyone star nerds and practicing evil laughs but it was also... shallow. I couldn't think about anything other than revenge. I didn't even notice you. That you were hurting. That you were hurting in place of me.
[She almost left him there. She didn't but she thought about it. She hesitated and weighed the options and still almost went before turning back for him. But he never stopped looking at her. Protecting her.
She wishes she had. That she could take the corruption from his light and take it for herself. But she also knows that he is right. If they role reversed the darkness would have taken her easier. She was already losing herself to it in her quest revenge. Had he tried with all his might there's no path where he doesn't arrive too late to save her. And that... She has no idea what that might do to him. So while this was the right course of action she doesn't have to like it. She can still regret that things didn't happen differently. That they didn't get to be saved together. That she didn't get to prevent any of his suffering by acting swifter.]
I'm not expecting you to be mad about any of it because that's not you but you're still quite capable of being hurt by it. And not just by my actions or lack of them... [Her hand finds its way up to her throat. The last act of violence he committed against her.] You speak of being evil very casually like it didn't bother you any. And if you're okay, you're okay. But I want to be sure. Because I know I'm not.
[If he's perfectly fine then she'll be so utterly relieved, truly. But she doesn't know if it's true or if he's hiding his pain. That's what's so frustrating about all of this! That she doesn't know if he got lost in answering his question or if it was purposeful to avoid making her worry further.
That she just doesn't know on sight like she once used to hurts more than anything. Is it her own gnawing guilt that's blinding her to him? Is she imprinting her own feelings on to him? Because she's mad at herself he should be mad at her too. Or is it simply the lingering darkness in her heart?]
no subject
Why is it she feels more lost now that she's found him? She pushes that thought down, deep down, because it's not about that or her. It's about him and if she's doing okay. And if he is then... they just need to push through it.]
I'm asking you if you're okay. Because... I let you down, Rakan. And it's okay and even important to acknowledge that. Things were simple when we were evil. Calling everyone star nerds and practicing evil laughs but it was also... shallow. I couldn't think about anything other than revenge. I didn't even notice you. That you were hurting. That you were hurting in place of me.
[She almost left him there. She didn't but she thought about it. She hesitated and weighed the options and still almost went before turning back for him. But he never stopped looking at her. Protecting her.
She wishes she had. That she could take the corruption from his light and take it for herself. But she also knows that he is right. If they role reversed the darkness would have taken her easier. She was already losing herself to it in her quest revenge. Had he tried with all his might there's no path where he doesn't arrive too late to save her. And that... She has no idea what that might do to him. So while this was the right course of action she doesn't have to like it. She can still regret that things didn't happen differently. That they didn't get to be saved together. That she didn't get to prevent any of his suffering by acting swifter.]
I'm not expecting you to be mad about any of it because that's not you but you're still quite capable of being hurt by it. And not just by my actions or lack of them... [Her hand finds its way up to her throat. The last act of violence he committed against her.] You speak of being evil very casually like it didn't bother you any. And if you're okay, you're okay. But I want to be sure. Because I know I'm not.
[If he's perfectly fine then she'll be so utterly relieved, truly. But she doesn't know if it's true or if he's hiding his pain. That's what's so frustrating about all of this! That she doesn't know if he got lost in answering his question or if it was purposeful to avoid making her worry further.
That she just doesn't know on sight like she once used to hurts more than anything. Is it her own gnawing guilt that's blinding her to him? Is she imprinting her own feelings on to him? Because she's mad at herself he should be mad at her too. Or is it simply the lingering darkness in her heart?]